I talk…to myself…in the shower…about scenarios that will never happen
I have arguments and debates
I cry and yell if need be
I have rap battles and singing matches
I talk to God In the privacy and company of my own nakedness
I have pep talks
I zone out in a world all my own
Can you relate?
He’s introverted and quiet yet as smart as a mathematician. He grew up on the fire escapes of the concrete jungle. Draws no attention to himself yet he’s scared of nothing but God himself.
He walks fast to the heartbeat of the city and watches others before they can watch him.
He makes no noise when he moves but in dire situations you’d know that he was there.
He shows wisdom even though he is young.
He stands tall and lean…metabolism on point.
Hair curled in spirals with the sides clean and faded.
Jawline so chiseled it could cut you if you weren’t careful. With a beard like his you know he’s only about business.
Bedroom eyes that bleed cocoa brown and drips Amber in the sun.
Skin so tan you’d think he was mixed but his fiery Hispanic culture pumps through his veins not the blood of a black boy
Loves harder then most And willing to risk it all for those worthy of his love
He is like 1970’s nostalgia born again. Bronx born through and through.
They call him many names true, macho, but he is really the second Steven
Grief, I learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.(Jamie Anderson, Good Reads Inc)
As I stare at my child each day I look at her full of all the love and support that I could possibly give another person. Sometimes I take a moment and just think that wow…I have lost many loved ones that were so influential and prominent in my everyday life.
I noticed that before each of my loved ones deaths, as an adult, I knew that they were about to pass away. However in the last four months I have lost my grandmother in August and my grandfather in November. Not only did I realize that they were about to pass away but the next thought that came to mind after realizing that they were going to die was “My daughter won’t know them…they won’t be there to watch her grow”
Now that I have started my own grieving process I once again looked at my child and realized that one day she too will be in the same spot as me. One day she won’t have me and her daddy here in the physical world with her, and that hurts to know that.
I have also learned that our bodies do not have souls, but our souls have bodies. All that love from my deceased loved ones not only passed down to me but also to my child . Although their souls have left their human capsule their love, by the grace of God, endureth forever.
Right now it is hard to love my deceased ones because they are not physically here, and it’s painful…physically painful. But that doesn’t stop my want and need to show them my love and receive theirs in person.
I’m just saying what’s been on my mind lately. If you’ve gone through some kind of grief in your life and want to share or support others your more then welcome to sound off in the comments.
Three months ago I have been blessed to gain a new edition to my family. I’ve been blessed with a baby girl. Thus far, it has been quite the trip being a father, but it’s been a fun one. Her name is Sophia!
Finding Her Voice
Just a few weeks ago, she began to make noise from what her mother and I believe that she’s trying to speak. She flexes the muscles of her lips and she gives us a very cute sigh. She does this repetitively as she gets excited that we are speaking back to us. Every morning before I wake up for work, she wakes up before I do and she’s giving me a nice smile and a sigh. It’s the cutest thing to wake up to in the morning.
She does a fantastic job with sleeping at night. She’s a very quiet baby and it’s awesome! Everyone always says how blessed I am to have a baby that sleeps. Before she was born, maybe about 3 to 4 weeks prior, my fiancé and I had alarms set about every couple of hours to get just a taste of what it would be like to wake up every so often. I’m very thankful that we came up with the idea because believe it or not we have to wake her up to eat and get her changed. The only time she really cries or lets anything out is when she’s really uncomfortable or when she’s getting changed. I’ve never seen a baby cry because they had to be changed. Normally I’ve seen babies cry so that they can be changed but finish once it’s all over. But I’m very blessed she keeps us asleep for most of the night.
I will be checking back in with you guys at least once every two weeks about Sophia and her progress and maybe post some pictures and videos with her soon!
Thanks For Reading!
If anyone has any advice for new parents please let me know! Leave a comment and tell me how your experience as a new father/mother went with your first child!