Have you ever looked at someone and saw them living and walking in pure chaos? I did today as I took my daughter to her doctors appointment. I watched a woman and her 5 kids as well as she had a older man with down syndrome with her. I watched her and I wondered…what strife she has gone through in her life to have her in a situation like that.
We sat in the waiting area for awhile with them. It was a busy day at the pediatricians office. So I watched. I watched as she sat there and let all her kids scream, fight, and bite each other (literally).
I watched her let her youngest daughter, maybe two, walk up and hurt her finger in the door and then get upset that her sibling wasn’t watching her…The whole time she was sitting on her phone being nonchalant to her own kids.
I watched her leave and only take one child into the doctors office as she was called back.(Assuming that it was that Child’s appointment)
I watched her leave the oldest of the five girls in charge. the girl was no older then maybe 10 or 12. She had trouble with all the kids running around screaming and had to watch all of them and the grown man with down syndrome. She looked so stressed.
I sat there and it made me want to help. But where I’m from you have to mind your business, especially if you don’t know the people involved, which I did not. You can’t tell someone else how to parent or offer help because people get offended and bothered. She had enough going on without some stranger with a baby chiming in.
I just wonder what happened in her life for her to have that many children and be completely nonchalant about their behavior and to put the responsibility that was hers on her eldest child. Was she stressed out, overwhelmed, or burdened? I don’t know I haven’t walked in her shoes. I’m in no position to judge. I just wonder what life is like for her.
For a long time in my life it was nothing. Nothing was spectacular, nothing was special, I was going day by day.
Then my husband came back into my life my senior year of high school. It gave me an extra oomf to live. A reason to look nice and do nice things. He gave me a reason in that time of my life.
After awhile we weren’t enough for each other. We almost didn’t make it. He was going to allow things to crumble and I was going to allow him to leave. You can’t keep someone/something if it doesn’t want to be kept.
But then we tried with each other again, one last time.
The VERY next day I found out I was pregnant, and our worlds became one again. So to answer the question my husband is the apple of my eye but my child is the light of my life, and I’m sure it’s the same way for him.
What/who lights up your world? Why?
Years pass and we learn from our mistakes or let them take us down. But, would we make those mistakes again if we knew then what we know now.
My husband and I talked about our past today and he asked me if I knew then, when we got together, what I know now, 4 years in, would I do it all the same.
Because he would….
I would…but I wouldn’t… I can’t say for sure that my 16-17 year old self would decide to be with him if I knew what all it took to get to where we are today. But, if I could talk to my younger self I’d tell her to do it but take her time.
I would be a parent to myself and tell her to take her time and figure out who she was before getting serious with a young man. I would tell her to learn more about her spouse and set boundaries to prevent the worst outcomes and gain mutual respect. I’d tell her to live on her own before moving in with her boyfriend and becoming a mother.
Love has no time limit so I’d tell her to really take the time to grow love and not rush to be a wife and mother before she got a chance to be herself.
If you could go back in time and re-do something what would it be and why?
If you could give advice to your younger self what would it be?
Today other then this small post I will only be posting my Quote Of The Day (Which will probably be later on). My apologies I am trying to post everyday but the last few days have been rough.
My little one has had a bad head cold for the past week but it’s been bad the last three days so I’ve been dealing with that.
Then I woke up this morning and she gave me her cold. I can’t hear or taste anything and my ears are draining into my throat. Needless to say I’m a miserable mama dealing with a miserable little one so I haven’t really had time to prepare a decent post.
Either way thank you to those who visit my blog I’ll try again tomorrow.
Do you remember what they sounded like? What your last conversation with them was? What their laugh sounded like?
In the past two years I have lost three grandparents all in different circumstances. Lately they’ve been crossing my mind and I’ve been missing them more. My mind plays scenarios from when they were alive.
The one thing I miss the most is their voices. I’ll always remember what they smelled like, what they wore, and how they looked in good health. But without recordings how do you remember what they sounded like and be sure that’s how they sounded?
The mind can play cruel tricks on you and your loved ones voices can easily be lost within your own thoughts processing their memories over and over again.
Like money, the more you use it the more diluted it becomes. The more you think of them speaking over the years after they passed, their voices in your head may not sound like how they actually spoke.
This scares me to think that one day I will not remember their voices or the last thing we said to each other. So I ask you again…
Do you remember what your loved one sounded like?
Do you remember what your last conversation with them was?
Do you remember what their laugh sounded like?
As you get older the word “Home” changes meaning as your life changes seasons.
At the very beginning of your life your home is your mothers womb and heart beat
Then you’re born and your home becomes your mother as an individual. Her smell, look, and touch. It’s comforting for you and it feels like that is where you belong.
You get older and then home becomes more material . It becomes the house or town you grew up in. The sights and scenes that make up your world as an adolescent.
Then you become a young adult and home becomes your friends and wherever you’re at, at the time. Home becomes what you make of it.
You grow up and home becomes a house, a husband or wife, and kids. Your home becomes a place that now you make safe and comfortable for yourself and your family just like your parents did for you.
You get old and home may be your grandchildren, the house you made safe for your kids, or even a nursing home. But it it will never be what it used to be when you were little
Home will always be a different place, time and people that will come and go in your life. It will never be the same thing twice. The sense of home is much like someones life…It has a fleeting existence.
What, who, where is home for you?
Us moms have an issue with letting go and taking time for ourselves. There’s always an excuse as to why we can’t do something we actually want to do. You can mess up your relationship like that though.
I think more ladies need to hear the phrase “Go pamper yourself”. As a relatively new mom I know I find it harder and harder to just do the normal upkeep with myself that I did prior to having a baby.
Things like getting my nails and I brows done, going out to eat with friends, combing my hair and looking nice when I go out, or even just hanging out and taking a bubble bath WITHOUT rubber duckies and a baby involved.
This didn’t personally ruin my relationship with my husband or other people but it certainly makes things a little harder. Not taking time for yourself can make things tense with other people. At least for me it was like my baby and husband are always around me and I can never get a break from them. But, whenever I did get a break I wouldn’t feel normal without them and I would be anxious and borderline paranoid.
This led me to an asshole…
I was getting irritated with my husband, my patience became short with my baby, and for a long time I didn’t even like myself. I actually hated myself very much because I felt like I was once this beautiful, confident young lady and now because I was a mother I couldn’t be a mom and still look like a hot mama. I still get emotional about this from time to time too.
Call me vain if you will but looking and feeling nice helps the new momma keep her sanity. That goes for any new mom not just myself.
I hope all the moms take some time for themselves, lord knows we all need it.
If you could do one thing to make yourself feel better or be more confident right now what would it be?