I’m Over It

Hi I’m Ricky and I’m a 21yo stuck just being alive and present but not living, and I don’t know how to move forward in my life.

I’m frustrated and I’m not happy where I am right now in life. I’m trying to be though…

There are so many things that are not going how I would like them to go. Not to sound like a spoiled brat just because things aren’t going my way, but it sucks. Don’t get me wrong I am so blessed to be a SAHM for so many reasons but there are basic things that I wish I had back for myself and it’s like the world is intentionally working against me and I don’t really know how to move forward.

Just to name a few things that are currently bothering me…my car is down because of an unforeseen issue (I don’t really drive my car or go anywhere but it won’t turn on). I feel like a stranded duck that’s stuck.

I rely fully on my husbands income (I DO NOT like to ask for money or depend on anyone, I like having my own financial backup).

I don’t want to be where I’m living…There can’t be two kings and queens under one castle, it just doesn’t work. That’s all I’m going to say about this for a multitude of reasons.

I think the most major thing that’s been bothering me is that I gave myself away. I completely gave up who I was for people that I love and I am trying to be a more mature and happy person but it all comes back to the same stuff. I would, for once in my life, just like to be myself without anyone else’s input.

YES…I am complaining.

NO…I can’t really do anything about my situation right now.

YES…I realize there are individuals who are in a worse situation in life then myself.

Seeing A Deceased Loved One In Your Dreams

Have you ever dreamed of someone right after they passed away and wondered if they were trying to talk to you, Give you a message, Or if it was really them or…something else?

For me, every time I lost a loved one I seemed to dream of them the night they passed away. Sometimes I’d think they were trying to tell me something, other times their image was altered and distorted and I felt like maybe something else, supernatural, was taking on their appearances.

I still have these dreams at least once a month about someone who I loved or was once close to. Sometimes they are confusing, other times they are clear and nostalgic. Then there have been times where I literally have a nightmare that’s so terrifying I get anxiety attacks.

I don’t know whether they are speaking to me or if I’m just dreaming of them because I miss them or was thinking about them the day before.

I don’t know If some other worldly thing is just putting on a fake appearance to trick me (I’m extremely superstitious).

I wish I knew though…

Have you ever dreamed of someone who has passed away?

What kind of dream was it?

If you Fail, You Can Begin Again

Many people have the fear of failing so they don’t even try. But in my years of modeling and school I have learned that if you don’t try and fail you will never succeed, unless by shear dumb luck.

Most people see new endeavors as intimidating, and who wouldn’t when you don’t know if that outcome is good or bad. The negative part about this is that people only see that they can potentially fail so why try anyways?

I myself have this super fear of failure.

But I am trying to change that in myself and maybe influence others to change that negative way of thinking as well.

Instead of seeing the glass half empty why not see it half full? Instead of worrying about failing before you’ve even started why not just start and see where that takes you? Life is always going to be about trial and error no matter what your doing.

But I’m going to look at failing as a positive now. If I fail I can learn from my mistakes and become better, I will gain more wisdom about life, and if I fail I can try again and do it better this time.

If I don’t fail how can I improve upon myself and what I want to do in life?

Sometimes failing means starting over in life, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing if you don’t let it.

Just a word of positivity from me to you.

Don’t Let Fear Decide Your Future

Fear is as fear does. How can you move forward in life if you are always scared? Yeah you may be scared to proceed with something that you want to do but if you don’t try you’ve failed before you started.

There will always be fails after trying. It’s only natural. You have to fail a couple times to succeed in whatever you want to do.

But if you let your fear of failure stop you in your tracks, you will stay stagnant in your life and won’t know the luxury of moving forward and bettering yourself.

Please don’t let your fears halt your future from being great like it should be.

If You Woke Up With No fear, What Would You Do First?

I would start a Youtube Channel or start a non waste soap/bathbomb/candle business…What about you?

If I were to wake up tomorrow with absolutely no fears whatsoever I would start up my YouTube channel. The crazy part is that I already have a channel set up and ready to go but I’ve second guessed myself and now I don’t know what I want to do for videos.

The plan that I had was set up videos and do postpartum workout videos…But then I had my baby and I got self conscious and I was always tired. You know…The basic excuses.

OR…I would start up a non waste environmentally friendly soap, bath bomb business, and candle business. I actually had set money aside to do so but I found out I was pregnant and I had to move into my husbands mothers house to help her financially as well as spend time with his grandmother before she had passed away, she passed away in August 2019…7 months after we moved in.

If you didn’t already know preparing for a baby, moving, and still having bills cost a lot of money. So there went all my savings for my business.

So If I woke up and had no fears, the very first things I would do is start my YouTube and my business. PERIOD. POINT. BLANK

What would you do if you woke up with no fear? Why?

What do you think I should do? Any advice?