Regrets, Infidelity, grieving, PTSD, What was in the dark shall always come to light…
I find that I’m very fortunate to live the life that I live. I am so very thankful for the people who helped me get to where I am and and the people who will help me get to where I’m going.
I am young, I don’t know everything, but I know sometimes past events hurt. Sometimes I have random moments where hurt feelings, bad intentions, or trauma pop into my head. I don’t know if it’s apart of depression or just because I’m over what happened but that doesn’t take the damage that’s already been done away.
Sometimes the bad things creep in my mind and it just hurts. Even my own past actions, or finding out something that happened before me and my husband were together.
Just like some things move my heart positively and lift my spirits high, there are things that just hurt my heart to the core and make my throat swell every time I think about it.
It’s almost like an addicts relapse, anything can trigger it and it isn’t intentional.
How do you cope when the past hurt creeps in?
There are so many things that create noise pollution but I don’t think they all are bad.
When I say personal noise pollution I’m talking about mentally for people as individuals. Not like city noises that get in the way of your work. I don’t know if there’s an actual name for it though, if there is please let me know.
For me sometimes when too many sounds are going on at once I get information overload. Like when you have multiple people talking to you at once and you can’t focus or comprehend and it makes you mad or feel chaotic. Too much at once…As the Artsy madwoman (a YouTuber I watch) says…too much muchness.
But on the other end of the spectrum, I suffer from depression bouts and silence bothers me. Being alone in a room full of people bothers me. It’s like leaving my mind to its own devices. My mind takes things to the point of overthinking and over exaggeration. So sometimes it’s really nice to have the distraction of someone to talk to, hearing street sounds, or blaring music. It drowns out the negative depressive thoughts.
What is personal noise pollution for you? Is it good or bad? Or both….
Being a stay at home mom is great but there are so many things that you don’t know or realize that you’ll be going through.
When I became a stay at home mom I thought that it would give me more freedom to do as I please whenever I felt like it. Now don’t get me wrong there are so many great benefits of being home with the baby. I get to raise my child the way I want to not a nanny, grandparent, or daycare person raising my baby. We also don’t have to pay for daycare because I’m at home watching the baby. I have to say that the best part of being at home with the baby is that I am always here for each one of her milestones. I am truly blessed that I don’t have to work right now and that my husband can cover all the bills.
But there are also cons that go with this full time commitment. That’s that crazy part is that when you start being a stay at home mom, most people don’t realize it’s not all fun and games. You still can’t do what you want when you want to. Everything is focused on the baby even when you personally need to eat, use the bathroom, or even do laundry you can’t just get up and do it with a baby that depends on you for everything.
I found out the hard way that financially I have to depend on my husband because my job is being a mom and that doesn’t pay in money and 401k. To me it was pretty hard to give up my financial contribution and freedom. I can’t just get up and go anywhere I want to either because I have a baby. which means I have to figure out how to get me and her ready, pack everything in the car, and take myself, her, and her accessories in and out of the car every time I want to pop into a store.
Not to mention it is so easy to forget what day of which month it is. It is so easy to get cabin fever or depression from just being in a house staring at four walls with a tiny human that yells at you for everything.
But as time goes on you cope and get used to having a routine. Life becomes easier. Finding ways to take care of yourself and the baby becomes easier too. Life eventually works itself out for you.