Remembering a loved ones voice

Do you remember what they sounded like? What your last conversation with them was? What their laugh sounded like?

In the past two years I have lost three grandparents all in different circumstances. Lately they’ve been crossing my mind and I’ve been missing them more. My mind plays scenarios from when they were alive.

The one thing I miss the most is their voices. I’ll always remember what they smelled like, what they wore, and how they looked in good health. But without recordings how do you remember what they sounded like and be sure that’s how they sounded?

The mind can play cruel tricks on you and your loved ones voices can easily be lost within your own thoughts processing their memories over and over again.

Like money, the more you use it the more diluted it becomes. The more you think of them speaking over the years after they passed, their voices in your head may not sound like how they actually spoke.

This scares me to think that one day I will not remember their voices or the last thing we said to each other. So I ask you again…

Do you remember what your loved one sounded like?

Do you remember what your last conversation with them was?

Do you remember what their laugh sounded like?

Embarrassing Moment #1

My baby was laughing at someone else pooping…

Yeah I had an embarrassing mom moment. Last week I went to pick my husband up from work (I jacked his car for the day because mine is out of commission currently) and I had to feed my baby.

He was closing up his shop and there was like nobody accept three others on the building so I went to the restroom and proceeded to breastfeed. 5 minutes goes by and someone walks into the stall next to mine.(The kind of stalls you can’t see under)

I don’t think she knew we were in there but she proceeded to do her business and with comical sounds made all the flatulent and “plop” sounds.

I stayed quiet…my baby did not!!!!!

My baby then unlatched and started laughing from hearing the sounds and started hitting the toilet paper holder so it was now known that the other lady was not alone.

I really hope she didn’t see my house shoes on the way past her stall because I couldn’t wait to scoop up my baby and evacuate the premises.

People Who Make Everything About Themselves.

Self serving…Egomaniac…self centered…self absorbed assholes that can make any subject or conversation about themselves really pisses me off.

I guess you can call this a rant of some sorts but I hate being the “fall back” or “escape goat”. I do love that people can come to me to lean on for an honest opinion or just someone for a shoulder to cry on. But to come to me just to boast about yourself or try to play the “my life is worse than yours” game is annoying.

For example the type of people to ask YOU about YOUR DAY and then continues to tell you about there’s. Why not just be straight up honest and say “Hey I had a great/shitty day can I talk to you about it?”

Or the type of person that if you’re having a bad day or experience they have to up one you and make it seem like theirs was worse to undermine what you’re going through.

It’s ridiculous….

Boys/ Men Go Through Shit Too

It’s important that the world doesn’t forget about what men have to go through in life. As a woman I would never downplay the severity and multitude of issues women have faced in the past and present. Such as women wanting the same rights and pay as men, rape, or stigmatization in society of being delicate emotional beings.

But let’s not forget that men go through shit too.

  • Young boys are sexually, physically, and mentally abused too.
  • There are single/ widowed fathers who do everything for their kids with little to no help.
  • Men get depressed and have anxiety too.
  • Men can have postpartum depression and separation anxiety from their babies and spouses.
  • And so much more…

There’s so many other things that they go through that go unacknowledged and ignored. Just like women they are very unappreciated in many ways. They are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

Just because they are men does not mean that they are supposed to just deal with whatever is thrown at them without complaint. Not everyone can be hard core and non feeling, not even men. But, that is the stigma.

  • Men work and provide for their family and be the sole provider
  • Boys are weak if they cry or show emotions
  • Boys/ men can’t wear certain colors or be apart of certain activities without being judged or thought of as “Less than normal”

Sound off in the comments…

Why can’t the world accept men and women alike?

What are some stigmas placed on men that you can think of?

What kind of things do men go through that gets downplayed?

I Can’t Miss You If You Don’t Leave!!

Us moms have an issue with letting go and taking time for ourselves. There’s always an excuse as to why we can’t do something we actually want to do. You can mess up your relationship like that though.

I think more ladies need to hear the phrase “Go pamper yourself”. As a relatively new mom I know I find it harder and harder to just do the normal upkeep with myself that I did prior to having a baby.

Things like getting my nails and I brows done, going out to eat with friends, combing my hair and looking nice when I go out, or even just hanging out and taking a bubble bath WITHOUT rubber duckies and a baby involved.

This didn’t personally ruin my relationship with my husband or other people but it certainly makes things a little harder. Not taking time for yourself can make things tense with other people. At least for me it was like my baby and husband are always around me and I can never get a break from them. But, whenever I did get a break I wouldn’t feel normal without them and I would be anxious and borderline paranoid.

This led me to an asshole…

I was getting irritated with my husband, my patience became short with my baby, and for a long time I didn’t even like myself. I actually hated myself very much because I felt like I was once this beautiful, confident young lady and now because I was a mother I couldn’t be a mom and still look like a hot mama. I still get emotional about this from time to time too.

Call me vain if you will but looking and feeling nice helps the new momma keep her sanity. That goes for any new mom not just myself.

I hope all the moms take some time for themselves, lord knows we all need it.

If you could do one thing to make yourself feel better or be more confident right now what would it be?

A Slave To Society

What kind life are we living, if only to satisfy others wants, needs, and requirements. Who told us that this is ok and this is how life should be?

I am only 21 and even when I was a teenager I always found myself thinking the same thing periodically. Where do I want my life to be? How do I become financially stable without working my life away? How? How? How?

I know that work ethic get’s you to where you want to be in life but why does it have to be in blue and white collar work? I am willing to work for everything I have and will have in the future to come. I’m fine with that. What I am not fine with is working overtime at a job I will hate with people I don’t want to be around and still not having enough to live even comfortably. Why would I do all of that for a greedy company or boss who only wants to keep positions filled and make more money? Why would I work for their benefit and social status just to be depressed in my own life?

Why is it only possible for the rich to become richer and the poor become more poverty stricken unless they have a random strike of good luck?

I don’t want this for myself or my child. But, I ask myself how can I obtain this without living a hellish, unhappy life?

Now I ask you what do you think?

How should life be in the workforce?

How would you make a happy life while still being able to provide fully for yourself and your family?

2020 Habits

New Year who dis?…I am not setting goals this year or saying “New year new me” that’s a whole bunch of bullshit!

I am however changing my life habits. If I change my habits instead of setting goals I feel like it will change me more personally. Why? If you really think about it when someone sets goals and they achieve that goal they just set another even higher goal. Which is fine and dandy but it’s freaking stressful to keep putting large expectations on yourself.

I have blog goals on my post My Top 10 Personal Blog Goals and yes while they are some “Goals” of mine I am not basing it strictly on what I want to change about myself or giving myself a deadline.

I do plan on changing my everyday habits though. I have a bad habit of procrastination, laziness, and finding excuses to not do what I really want to do (I have a fear of judgment by the people close to me so I tend to psych myself out quite often). I am actively trying to take steps to improving this and not being so lazy and finding reasons to not do what I like and putting things off. I can’t be a better me for myself, my husband, or our daughter if I just set unrealistic life goals. But, I can start somewhere and improve little things. Like add an exercise to my day, make a “To do” list and try to complete everything on it to my best capability, or just find something to make me smile (that’s a big one that I want to make happen more).

What are your bad habits? What kind of habits do you want to have?

Grieving Loved Ones

Grief, I learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.(Jamie Anderson, Good Reads Inc)

As I stare at my child each day I look at her full of all the love and support that I could possibly give another person. Sometimes I take a moment and just think that wow…I have lost many loved ones that were so influential and prominent in my everyday life.

I noticed that before each of my loved ones deaths, as an adult, I knew that they were about to pass away. However in the last four months I have lost my grandmother in August and my grandfather in November. Not only did I realize that they were about to pass away but the next thought that came to mind after realizing that they were going to die was “My daughter won’t know them…they won’t be there to watch her grow”

Now that I have started my own grieving process I once again looked at my child and realized that one day she too will be in the same spot as me. One day she won’t have me and her daddy here in the physical world with her, and that hurts to know that.

I have also learned that our bodies do not have souls, but our souls have bodies. All that love from my deceased loved ones not only passed down to me but also to my child . Although their souls have left their human capsule their love, by the grace of God, endureth forever.

Right now it is hard to love my deceased ones because they are not physically here, and it’s painful…physically painful. But that doesn’t stop my want and need to show them my love and receive theirs in person.

I’m just saying what’s been on my mind lately. If you’ve gone through some kind of grief in your life and want to share or support others your more then welcome to sound off in the comments.

Someone who Understands

Sometimes I just go through the most annoying periods of my life where I’m just depressed and I know I’m depressed.

Right now I’m going through postpartum depression and I never even realized I was depressed until I had a full mental break down. But, it definitely helps because my best friend is going through it too. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t want to wish any kind of depression on anyone, but my best friend and I had babies a month apart so she does understand mentally and physically right here and now what I’m going through.

I may not know what everyone is going through individually but I do know that having someone who doesn’t judge, doesn’t make the situation about them, and can still sympathize with what your going through can really be a wonderful thing.

I guess this is just kind of like an appreciation post for all those people out there who understand and support their loved ones whether they are blood relation or not. So thank you to the people out there who are our support systems.

Family Stories

The best part about family really are the stories. When all of the older heads come around there is always some kind of story to tell. Sometimes it’s better than watching tv! There’s nothing like sitting around the dinner table as our elders laugh and tell us all of these funny or interesting stories we would never believe they were in.

Drunk Fun

I don’t know about most people but when my family drink alcohol they become the funniest people alive to me. They crack hilarious jokes on others, talk about absolute non-sense, but the best part are the hilarious stories about their past. It seems like every time I’d see my family they’d have some hilariously wild story to tell every time. We’d sit for hours on a story about their crazy young aged adventures.

Conversations

Have any hilarious family stories? How does your family operate under the influence? How often do you have family gatherings? Do you feel like you have a big family? Comment your stories and give me your perspective.

Thanks for reading!

Ricky

Becoming A New Father

Three months ago I have been blessed to gain a new edition to my family. I’ve been blessed with a baby girl. Thus far, it has been quite the trip being a father, but it’s been a fun one. Her name is Sophia!

Finding Her Voice

Just a few weeks ago, she began to make noise from what her mother and I believe that she’s trying to speak. She flexes the muscles of her lips and she gives us a very cute sigh. She does this repetitively as she gets excited that we are speaking back to us. Every morning before I wake up for work, she wakes up before I do and she’s giving me a nice smile and a sigh. It’s the cutest thing to wake up to in the morning.

She Sleeps

She does a fantastic job with sleeping at night. She’s a very quiet baby and it’s awesome! Everyone always says how blessed I am to have a baby that sleeps. Before she was born, maybe about 3 to 4 weeks prior, my fiancé and I had alarms set about every couple of hours to get just a taste of what it would be like to wake up every so often. I’m very thankful that we came up with the idea because believe it or not we have to wake her up to eat and get her changed. The only time she really cries or lets anything out is when she’s really uncomfortable or when she’s getting changed. I’ve never seen a baby cry because they had to be changed. Normally I’ve seen babies cry so that they can be changed but finish once it’s all over. But I’m very blessed she keeps us asleep for most of the night.

I will be checking back in with you guys at least once every two weeks about Sophia and her progress and maybe post some pictures and videos with her soon!

Conversations

Thanks For Reading!

If anyone has any advice for new parents please let me know! Leave a comment and tell me how your experience as a new father/mother went with your first child!

Dealing With A Death In The Family

If you or anyone you know is dealing with a death of a loved family member, allow them to have their own time. People cope with things differently. Allow them the time to learn to deal with such a tuff time.

I just lost my grandmother due to complications during a procedure. She had over twenty tumors and 3 different types of cancer. During her recent procedure, she started bleeding internally and doctors couldn’t really contain it. She lost 75% of her blood and her liver and kidneys failed. She fought a long hard battle with cancer for the last 7 years. When she first was diagnosed she was given 6 months… 6 MONTHS…. 6 months turned into 7 years. Everyday with her has been a huge blessing.

She created a bucket list when she found out about her cancer and she knocked off a lot from that list. She received a great grandchild, got a house, seen my mom and dad get married after 25 years of being together…. She lived a rich life with the time she was given. We’ve had her for 7 more Christmas’s then we thought we would’ve had.

It’s been very hard for the rest of the family and I but we’re getting through it. I just hope she comes down to see me in my dreams every now and again.

Thank you for reading!

What are some ways you have dealt with a death in the family? How long did it take for it to settle in? How close were you with your passed loved one?

Leave a comment!

Much Love,

Ricky

First Blog Post?

I am very new to the blogging seen and knowing what to write for your first post can set a lot of people off. Not knowing what to say or how to say it is a common problem for those just beginning. For this being my first blog post I’d figure I’d write about first blog posts to just get things started.

If you are just beginning on writing posts try not to stress yourself over it. I’m sure it can be a ton of fun. I’m not really into long blogs but that’s okay. I’m sure there are many bloggers out there who also are not. For me starting a great conversation topic is a must. I love talking to those willing to engage in a conversation about things relevant to a post of mine. I used to be a frequent tweeter until my twitter got hacked but I used to post a lot about video games and other topics to engage in with many of my peers.

What ever comes to mind just say it! Audiences will soon follow. Just be…. You!

If anyone has any advice on blogging, please leave a comment! It will help me develop over time as well as others who may view this to be helpful.

Hope to speak with you soon!

Why I Haven’t Posted Lately…

So in all honesty I kind of lost my momentum with my blog.

I had so many things planned and then like everyone else me and my family have been affected by the current virus circulating the globe.

That means what little money I had coming my way was used for more important things that was needed for security, not boosting my blog.

I could still very well promote my blog by posting on it as well as posting on other social media platforms. I just don’t really feel like I have the time with everyone home and a busy 10 month old everything has fallen off course.

I have also lost my momentum in building a YouTube. I still really want to I’m just scared to and I don’t really know what I want to do as a “niche”. With everyone home I have more eyes on me and I’d feel more comfortable without those staring eyes.

I did start gardening though and I’m trying to have more of a bond with my husband since he’s home from work more.f

How about you guys? How’s life in captivity and confinement going for you?

Don’t Let Your Fear Create Internal Hysteria And Paranoia

This quote is befitting to what is going on around the world today.

There are so many people who are so fearful of the outcome of the COVID-19 virus that they are buying up all products in the stores which is creating rationing.

There are some people that are so scared this epidemic will be so bad that people will get desperate. This doesn’t sound very bad but with desperation comes desperate measures. With food and necessity items being rationed in stores some low income people may end up doing illegal things towards other innocent people like robbing them to survive. Many people are showing signs of paranoia with this by buying out fire arms stores and stocking up on ammunition for firearms to protect themselves.

Because people are fearful of this virus it is making people act extremely irrational and causing social issues for everyone.

Word to the wise, this is a time where we must help each other and lend a helping hand even if it is from a distance. We should not be rioting for toilet paper or making this situation harder for others and ourselves to survive.

We must not give in to our fears.

I pray everyone stays safe, have good health, and have the proper necessities to last until the scare is over.

Love to all,

Ricky

What To Do During Coronavirus Isolation

On a more positive note, I know everyone will be stuck in their houses all over the world so I thought that it’d be a good idea to share some activities that may help while being stuck at home. The hope of this list is to combat depression, cabin fever, hysteria, and paranoia.

I am well aware that these feelings may occur regardless of the situation but it never hurts to get your mind off of the negative and apply your mind to more positive thinking. So with the help of some of my fellow bloggers I have come up with a list of things to do to help the isolation days pass by a little faster.

  1. Start your New Years Resolutions
  2. Meditate
  3. Exercise with your kids
  4. Play board games
  5. Watch movies
  6. Read
  7. Learn to garden
  8. Spring clean your house
  9. Try new recipes for your meals
  10. Start a personal blog
  11. Start a YouTube/ Blogging channel
  12. Practice drawing
  13. Take up a new hobby
  14. Organize your closet
  15. Try Yoga
  16. Small doses of social media
  17. Have an at home spa day
  18. Getting close to God during family bonding (for any religion/beliefs)
  19. Getting closer to yourself spiritually
  20. Catch up on household chores
  21. Call your loved ones
  22. 1 on 1 time with your spouse
  23. Reminisce on old photos
  24. Enjoy your porch/balcony and backyard more
  25. Reminisce on old times

For now that’s all that I can think of. If you have anymore ideas that could be added please comment down below. If any of these helped or didn’t help you let’s talk about it.

*Special Thanks*

I had help coming up with ideas and inspiration from some bloggers in my little online family so please go visit their Blogs as well and show them some love.

Tell them Ricky sent you!

Pvcann

Temi Michael-O

SnapDragonX

Elliejay

Thinking Scripture

The End Of Days?

Not to get super biblical but the world today reminds me of Revelations. The corona virus turning into a plague, war, ignorance, lust, all sorts of stuff.(I’m not huge on the Bible I’m just talking about what I remember and comparing it to resent events)

From what I know Revelations was about the beginning of the end of civilization before God wipes the land clean with rain that lasted 40 days and 40 nights (I may be wrong and that may be two different stories). At some point as a child I was also told that when God decides he’s had enough he will once more wash the land clean but not in any way he’d done before.

I think, from a biblical stand point if you are religious, that maybe he’d wipe out people with a literal plague that rocks the whole world…kinda like how the corona virus could potentially do. It makes me wonder where science and religion have a happy medium. Some say they don’t.

I think they do because in every religion there’s talks about how the world was made and how people came to be here…just like science. There are even biblical events that can be proven by science you just have to know where to look.

So how will this scientifical world of our’s match up to Revelations? This is a question that may never be answered sadly…and yet I still wonder.

Is this the end of the world as we know it and the rebirth of a new world? Is it happening right under our noses and we don’t even realize it?

Help On a List

With all the negativity going on with this pandemic and most of the world being in self isolation, I think it’s time to find a light in this dark time.

So I have been reading quite a few of others blogs. Some are really scared and paranoid others are very nonchalant. Either way most of us are going to have to distance ourselves or go through self isolation.

So I think what I am going to do is come up with a list of positive, productive things that can be done at home or by oneself.

So if anyone has any suggestions it would be great if you could share them so that I can put together a list that caters to everyone. Who knows it might even help someone who is feeling depressed and alone with all that is going on in the world right now.

Life on Lockdown

When I say life on lockdown I do mean that very deliberately. I know that there are many other countries in a worse state of lockdown then the US but I feel as though it will be Very soon that we are on total lockdown. As in no one in or out of their homes for a month.

I am aware that in Italy and most parts of Asia this is how they have to live. It makes me wonder if they had toilet paper hysteria over there as well.

I live in the midwest where a couple days ago we didn’t have any COVID-19 cases…until we did. Within a matter of days people were dying and the shelves were cleared. ALL the schools and daycares are shut down. Most Jobs have been shut down. We will most likely have a recession this year as well.

The news said this could last until august, students might not graduate in may, this may be a BIO attack, all sorts of things.

There are the paranoidvand hysterical that believe all the hype. There are the unbothered individuals who live without precautions. Then there are the few like myself, where as I am aware of the risk but I also know PPE and how to protect myself.

I am in the middle really. I am worried but not hysterical in how I act in my ADL’s yet I am not scared to go ahead and shop like a normal person or enjoy life while the whole country is on lockdown.

What’s going on where you live right now?

How are you handling COVID-19?

I’m Over It

Hi I’m Ricky and I’m a 21yo stuck just being alive and present but not living, and I don’t know how to move forward in my life.

I’m frustrated and I’m not happy where I am right now in life. I’m trying to be though…

There are so many things that are not going how I would like them to go. Not to sound like a spoiled brat just because things aren’t going my way, but it sucks. Don’t get me wrong I am so blessed to be a SAHM for so many reasons but there are basic things that I wish I had back for myself and it’s like the world is intentionally working against me and I don’t really know how to move forward.

Just to name a few things that are currently bothering me…my car is down because of an unforeseen issue (I don’t really drive my car or go anywhere but it won’t turn on). I feel like a stranded duck that’s stuck.

I rely fully on my husbands income (I DO NOT like to ask for money or depend on anyone, I like having my own financial backup).

I don’t want to be where I’m living…There can’t be two kings and queens under one castle, it just doesn’t work. That’s all I’m going to say about this for a multitude of reasons.

I think the most major thing that’s been bothering me is that I gave myself away. I completely gave up who I was for people that I love and I am trying to be a more mature and happy person but it all comes back to the same stuff. I would, for once in my life, just like to be myself without anyone else’s input.

YES…I am complaining.

NO…I can’t really do anything about my situation right now.

YES…I realize there are individuals who are in a worse situation in life then myself.