Remembering a loved ones voice

Do you remember what they sounded like? What your last conversation with them was? What their laugh sounded like?

In the past two years I have lost three grandparents all in different circumstances. Lately they’ve been crossing my mind and I’ve been missing them more. My mind plays scenarios from when they were alive.

The one thing I miss the most is their voices. I’ll always remember what they smelled like, what they wore, and how they looked in good health. But without recordings how do you remember what they sounded like and be sure that’s how they sounded?

The mind can play cruel tricks on you and your loved ones voices can easily be lost within your own thoughts processing their memories over and over again.

Like money, the more you use it the more diluted it becomes. The more you think of them speaking over the years after they passed, their voices in your head may not sound like how they actually spoke.

This scares me to think that one day I will not remember their voices or the last thing we said to each other. So I ask you again…

Do you remember what your loved one sounded like?

Do you remember what your last conversation with them was?

Do you remember what their laugh sounded like?

Embarrassing Moment #1

My baby was laughing at someone else pooping…

Yeah I had an embarrassing mom moment. Last week I went to pick my husband up from work (I jacked his car for the day because mine is out of commission currently) and I had to feed my baby.

He was closing up his shop and there was like nobody accept three others on the building so I went to the restroom and proceeded to breastfeed. 5 minutes goes by and someone walks into the stall next to mine.(The kind of stalls you can’t see under)

I don’t think she knew we were in there but she proceeded to do her business and with comical sounds made all the flatulent and “plop” sounds.

I stayed quiet…my baby did not!!!!!

My baby then unlatched and started laughing from hearing the sounds and started hitting the toilet paper holder so it was now known that the other lady was not alone.

I really hope she didn’t see my house shoes on the way past her stall because I couldn’t wait to scoop up my baby and evacuate the premises.

People Who Make Everything About Themselves.

Self serving…Egomaniac…self centered…self absorbed assholes that can make any subject or conversation about themselves really pisses me off.

I guess you can call this a rant of some sorts but I hate being the “fall back” or “escape goat”. I do love that people can come to me to lean on for an honest opinion or just someone for a shoulder to cry on. But to come to me just to boast about yourself or try to play the “my life is worse than yours” game is annoying.

For example the type of people to ask YOU about YOUR DAY and then continues to tell you about there’s. Why not just be straight up honest and say “Hey I had a great/shitty day can I talk to you about it?”

Or the type of person that if you’re having a bad day or experience they have to up one you and make it seem like theirs was worse to undermine what you’re going through.

It’s ridiculous….

Boys/ Men Go Through Shit Too

It’s important that the world doesn’t forget about what men have to go through in life. As a woman I would never downplay the severity and multitude of issues women have faced in the past and present. Such as women wanting the same rights and pay as men, rape, or stigmatization in society of being delicate emotional beings.

But let’s not forget that men go through shit too.

  • Young boys are sexually, physically, and mentally abused too.
  • There are single/ widowed fathers who do everything for their kids with little to no help.
  • Men get depressed and have anxiety too.
  • Men can have postpartum depression and separation anxiety from their babies and spouses.
  • And so much more…

There’s so many other things that they go through that go unacknowledged and ignored. Just like women they are very unappreciated in many ways. They are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

Just because they are men does not mean that they are supposed to just deal with whatever is thrown at them without complaint. Not everyone can be hard core and non feeling, not even men. But, that is the stigma.

  • Men work and provide for their family and be the sole provider
  • Boys are weak if they cry or show emotions
  • Boys/ men can’t wear certain colors or be apart of certain activities without being judged or thought of as “Less than normal”

Sound off in the comments…

Why can’t the world accept men and women alike?

What are some stigmas placed on men that you can think of?

What kind of things do men go through that gets downplayed?

I Can’t Miss You If You Don’t Leave!!

Us moms have an issue with letting go and taking time for ourselves. There’s always an excuse as to why we can’t do something we actually want to do. You can mess up your relationship like that though.

I think more ladies need to hear the phrase “Go pamper yourself”. As a relatively new mom I know I find it harder and harder to just do the normal upkeep with myself that I did prior to having a baby.

Things like getting my nails and I brows done, going out to eat with friends, combing my hair and looking nice when I go out, or even just hanging out and taking a bubble bath WITHOUT rubber duckies and a baby involved.

This didn’t personally ruin my relationship with my husband or other people but it certainly makes things a little harder. Not taking time for yourself can make things tense with other people. At least for me it was like my baby and husband are always around me and I can never get a break from them. But, whenever I did get a break I wouldn’t feel normal without them and I would be anxious and borderline paranoid.

This led me to an asshole…

I was getting irritated with my husband, my patience became short with my baby, and for a long time I didn’t even like myself. I actually hated myself very much because I felt like I was once this beautiful, confident young lady and now because I was a mother I couldn’t be a mom and still look like a hot mama. I still get emotional about this from time to time too.

Call me vain if you will but looking and feeling nice helps the new momma keep her sanity. That goes for any new mom not just myself.

I hope all the moms take some time for themselves, lord knows we all need it.

If you could do one thing to make yourself feel better or be more confident right now what would it be?

A Slave To Society

What kind life are we living, if only to satisfy others wants, needs, and requirements. Who told us that this is ok and this is how life should be?

I am only 21 and even when I was a teenager I always found myself thinking the same thing periodically. Where do I want my life to be? How do I become financially stable without working my life away? How? How? How?

I know that work ethic get’s you to where you want to be in life but why does it have to be in blue and white collar work? I am willing to work for everything I have and will have in the future to come. I’m fine with that. What I am not fine with is working overtime at a job I will hate with people I don’t want to be around and still not having enough to live even comfortably. Why would I do all of that for a greedy company or boss who only wants to keep positions filled and make more money? Why would I work for their benefit and social status just to be depressed in my own life?

Why is it only possible for the rich to become richer and the poor become more poverty stricken unless they have a random strike of good luck?

I don’t want this for myself or my child. But, I ask myself how can I obtain this without living a hellish, unhappy life?

Now I ask you what do you think?

How should life be in the workforce?

How would you make a happy life while still being able to provide fully for yourself and your family?

2020 Habits

New Year who dis?…I am not setting goals this year or saying “New year new me” that’s a whole bunch of bullshit!

I am however changing my life habits. If I change my habits instead of setting goals I feel like it will change me more personally. Why? If you really think about it when someone sets goals and they achieve that goal they just set another even higher goal. Which is fine and dandy but it’s freaking stressful to keep putting large expectations on yourself.

I have blog goals on my post My Top 10 Personal Blog Goals and yes while they are some “Goals” of mine I am not basing it strictly on what I want to change about myself or giving myself a deadline.

I do plan on changing my everyday habits though. I have a bad habit of procrastination, laziness, and finding excuses to not do what I really want to do (I have a fear of judgment by the people close to me so I tend to psych myself out quite often). I am actively trying to take steps to improving this and not being so lazy and finding reasons to not do what I like and putting things off. I can’t be a better me for myself, my husband, or our daughter if I just set unrealistic life goals. But, I can start somewhere and improve little things. Like add an exercise to my day, make a “To do” list and try to complete everything on it to my best capability, or just find something to make me smile (that’s a big one that I want to make happen more).

What are your bad habits? What kind of habits do you want to have?

Grieving Loved Ones

Grief, I learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.(Jamie Anderson, Good Reads Inc)

As I stare at my child each day I look at her full of all the love and support that I could possibly give another person. Sometimes I take a moment and just think that wow…I have lost many loved ones that were so influential and prominent in my everyday life.

I noticed that before each of my loved ones deaths, as an adult, I knew that they were about to pass away. However in the last four months I have lost my grandmother in August and my grandfather in November. Not only did I realize that they were about to pass away but the next thought that came to mind after realizing that they were going to die was “My daughter won’t know them…they won’t be there to watch her grow”

Now that I have started my own grieving process I once again looked at my child and realized that one day she too will be in the same spot as me. One day she won’t have me and her daddy here in the physical world with her, and that hurts to know that.

I have also learned that our bodies do not have souls, but our souls have bodies. All that love from my deceased loved ones not only passed down to me but also to my child . Although their souls have left their human capsule their love, by the grace of God, endureth forever.

Right now it is hard to love my deceased ones because they are not physically here, and it’s painful…physically painful. But that doesn’t stop my want and need to show them my love and receive theirs in person.

I’m just saying what’s been on my mind lately. If you’ve gone through some kind of grief in your life and want to share or support others your more then welcome to sound off in the comments.

Someone who Understands

Sometimes I just go through the most annoying periods of my life where I’m just depressed and I know I’m depressed.

Right now I’m going through postpartum depression and I never even realized I was depressed until I had a full mental break down. But, it definitely helps because my best friend is going through it too. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t want to wish any kind of depression on anyone, but my best friend and I had babies a month apart so she does understand mentally and physically right here and now what I’m going through.

I may not know what everyone is going through individually but I do know that having someone who doesn’t judge, doesn’t make the situation about them, and can still sympathize with what your going through can really be a wonderful thing.

I guess this is just kind of like an appreciation post for all those people out there who understand and support their loved ones whether they are blood relation or not. So thank you to the people out there who are our support systems.

Family Stories

The best part about family really are the stories. When all of the older heads come around there is always some kind of story to tell. Sometimes it’s better than watching tv! There’s nothing like sitting around the dinner table as our elders laugh and tell us all of these funny or interesting stories we would never believe they were in.

Drunk Fun

I don’t know about most people but when my family drink alcohol they become the funniest people alive to me. They crack hilarious jokes on others, talk about absolute non-sense, but the best part are the hilarious stories about their past. It seems like every time I’d see my family they’d have some hilariously wild story to tell every time. We’d sit for hours on a story about their crazy young aged adventures.

Conversations

Have any hilarious family stories? How does your family operate under the influence? How often do you have family gatherings? Do you feel like you have a big family? Comment your stories and give me your perspective.

Thanks for reading!

Ricky

Becoming A New Father

Three months ago I have been blessed to gain a new edition to my family. I’ve been blessed with a baby girl. Thus far, it has been quite the trip being a father, but it’s been a fun one. Her name is Sophia!

Finding Her Voice

Just a few weeks ago, she began to make noise from what her mother and I believe that she’s trying to speak. She flexes the muscles of her lips and she gives us a very cute sigh. She does this repetitively as she gets excited that we are speaking back to us. Every morning before I wake up for work, she wakes up before I do and she’s giving me a nice smile and a sigh. It’s the cutest thing to wake up to in the morning.

She Sleeps

She does a fantastic job with sleeping at night. She’s a very quiet baby and it’s awesome! Everyone always says how blessed I am to have a baby that sleeps. Before she was born, maybe about 3 to 4 weeks prior, my fiancé and I had alarms set about every couple of hours to get just a taste of what it would be like to wake up every so often. I’m very thankful that we came up with the idea because believe it or not we have to wake her up to eat and get her changed. The only time she really cries or lets anything out is when she’s really uncomfortable or when she’s getting changed. I’ve never seen a baby cry because they had to be changed. Normally I’ve seen babies cry so that they can be changed but finish once it’s all over. But I’m very blessed she keeps us asleep for most of the night.

I will be checking back in with you guys at least once every two weeks about Sophia and her progress and maybe post some pictures and videos with her soon!

Conversations

Thanks For Reading!

If anyone has any advice for new parents please let me know! Leave a comment and tell me how your experience as a new father/mother went with your first child!

Dealing With A Death In The Family

If you or anyone you know is dealing with a death of a loved family member, allow them to have their own time. People cope with things differently. Allow them the time to learn to deal with such a tuff time.

I just lost my grandmother due to complications during a procedure. She had over twenty tumors and 3 different types of cancer. During her recent procedure, she started bleeding internally and doctors couldn’t really contain it. She lost 75% of her blood and her liver and kidneys failed. She fought a long hard battle with cancer for the last 7 years. When she first was diagnosed she was given 6 months… 6 MONTHS…. 6 months turned into 7 years. Everyday with her has been a huge blessing.

She created a bucket list when she found out about her cancer and she knocked off a lot from that list. She received a great grandchild, got a house, seen my mom and dad get married after 25 years of being together…. She lived a rich life with the time she was given. We’ve had her for 7 more Christmas’s then we thought we would’ve had.

It’s been very hard for the rest of the family and I but we’re getting through it. I just hope she comes down to see me in my dreams every now and again.

Thank you for reading!

What are some ways you have dealt with a death in the family? How long did it take for it to settle in? How close were you with your passed loved one?

Leave a comment!

Much Love,

Ricky

First Blog Post?

I am very new to the blogging seen and knowing what to write for your first post can set a lot of people off. Not knowing what to say or how to say it is a common problem for those just beginning. For this being my first blog post I’d figure I’d write about first blog posts to just get things started.

If you are just beginning on writing posts try not to stress yourself over it. I’m sure it can be a ton of fun. I’m not really into long blogs but that’s okay. I’m sure there are many bloggers out there who also are not. For me starting a great conversation topic is a must. I love talking to those willing to engage in a conversation about things relevant to a post of mine. I used to be a frequent tweeter until my twitter got hacked but I used to post a lot about video games and other topics to engage in with many of my peers.

What ever comes to mind just say it! Audiences will soon follow. Just be…. You!

If anyone has any advice on blogging, please leave a comment! It will help me develop over time as well as others who may view this to be helpful.

Hope to speak with you soon!

Update On Ricky Talks

Long story short my baby girl just turned nine months and we had four different appointments on four different days. I had important family matters that I had to attend to away fro home so I did not have my laptop to upload. Needless to say it was a extremely busy and mentally exhausting week for me, my husband, and my little one.

But the show must go on!

I will try to pick up my speed and catch up on other blogs and the Community as well as get back to my posts and Quote of the day series.

Until next time,

Ricky.

6 Ways To cope with Bad Mental Health

Nobody wants to talk about touchy subjects like post partum depression, suicide, depression, anxiety, or anything regarding mental health. But it needs to be talked about. How do you cope with it?

I personally suffer from post partum depression, anxiety, and paranoia and here are a couple of ways that I cope with it that may help you too.

Seek Help From Your Doctor

The best thing that you can do if you are having any of these issues and you are aware that there is a problem is to talk to your doctor. Your doctor is the best person to diagnose and help you in coping mechanisms to help your situation.

If need be, a doctor can prescribe medicine, refer you for therapy, or help you by suggesting activities that lower stress and anxiety.

Be Open To New Activities

One thing that definitely helped me was finding new ways to keep my mind busy. I tend to dwell on all the negative thoughts when I’m depressed so anything that gets my mind off of those thoughts helps.

You could do things like read a book, watch a movie, take a walk, pick up a hobby like crafting or baking. Anything that makes you feel better and brings a little joy to your life.

Take Care Of yourself

I don’t care what anyone says, appearance and how you feel definitely affects how you act and think. It never hurts to take care of your body and mind.There’s so many things that you can do to just boost your moral even if it’s for a couple of hours.

Go have a spa day, take a relaxing bath/shower, get your hair done or your beard trimmed up, Put on makeup, or put on a nice outfit. The list is endless, if you look good and feel good physically it definitely helps your overall attitude and outlook on the day.

Be Productive For a Positive Outcome

Keeping your mind busy is an excellent way to help your mind from slipping into undesirable thoughts. *I don’t mean ignore any serious issues by any means.

However instead of brooding over crazy thoughts you could do chores, work out, or go grocery shopping. This kind of goes hand in hand with having new activities, except your not doing it to just keep your mind busy, your doing it to get an end result that gives physical benefits. You do chores to have a clean home, work out for a better body, and go grocery shopping so that you have food.

For example I started to blog, which for me keeps my mind busy and gives me a daily goal as well as indirect social interaction. That benefits me because I don’t have to leave the comfort zone of my home just to socialize or vent my frustrations. My end result is I was able to socialize and find therapy in venting.

Whatever you decide as long as it brings a positive benefit for you. It doesn’t have to be anything special it can be just normal activities of daily living.

Vent

One thing that I would recommend is finding a way to vent your frustrations. Anything to get how your feeling out of your head.

Go to a therapist, vent to a friend, write your thoughts in a journal, write a book, blog, paint/draw, create art, or vlog.

Some people when they vlog or blog even take away the comments section of their post so that they don’t have to deal with others negatively regarding their personal issue. That is an option as well if that helps.

1-800-273-8255 NSPL Hotline

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

If you are having any suicide thoughts or tendencies or feel like a physical threat to yourself or anyone else I urge you to call the hotline and seek help.

Please don’t take any harmful actions towards yourself or anyone else, if all else fails please know that the hotline is always open if you need guidance, or someone to talk to.

If you or a friend knows of someone who is having harmful tendencies please seek guidance from the hotline, or a doctor. If the situation is dire to the point where you can no longer keep contact with someone that is having these tendencies please call your local authorities to do a wellness check on them, you just might save a life…

  • You can call, visit the website, or do online chat with real individuals that are trained to help. If you visit the website there are multitudes of more in depth information that you or someone you may know might find helpful.

P.S.

I am not a licensed doctor or therapist these are not diagnoses they are just some things that helped me personally and I thought that it might help someone else who is trying to find a way to get through the rough thoughts and dark times in their life.

Walking a Mile in someone else's shoes

Have you ever looked at someone and saw them living and walking in pure chaos? I did today as I took my daughter to her doctors appointment. I watched a woman and her 5 kids as well as she had a older man with down syndrome with her. I watched her and I wondered…what strife she has gone through in her life to have her in a situation like that.

We sat in the waiting area for awhile with them. It was a busy day at the pediatricians office. So I watched. I watched as she sat there and let all her kids scream, fight, and bite each other (literally).

I watched her let her youngest daughter, maybe two, walk up and hurt her finger in the door and then get upset that her sibling wasn’t watching her…The whole time she was sitting on her phone being nonchalant to her own kids.

I watched her leave and only take one child into the doctors office as she was called back.(Assuming that it was that Child’s appointment)

I watched her leave the oldest of the five girls in charge. the girl was no older then maybe 10 or 12. She had trouble with all the kids running around screaming and had to watch all of them and the grown man with down syndrome. She looked so stressed.

I sat there and it made me want to help. But where I’m from you have to mind your business, especially if you don’t know the people involved, which I did not. You can’t tell someone else how to parent or offer help because people get offended and bothered. She had enough going on without some stranger with a baby chiming in.

I just wonder what happened in her life for her to have that many children and be completely nonchalant about their behavior and to put the responsibility that was hers on her eldest child. Was she stressed out, overwhelmed, or burdened? I don’t know I haven’t walked in her shoes. I’m in no position to judge. I just wonder what life is like for her.

Are you willing to change what your doing now in order to make a positive difference in your life? If given the opportunity would you take that chance?

Say what you want but nothing begets nothing. Meaning if you put nothing and no effort in you will get nothingness in return.

To change the rut you are in you have to change your outlook and what your doing.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different outcome. You cannot do the same things you’ve been doing and expect a gracious outcome. If you do nothing then nothing will ever happen.

What changes are you willing to make to be a better you or have a better outcome in your life?

What or who lights up your world?

Ohhhh man…

For a long time in my life it was nothing. Nothing was spectacular, nothing was special, I was going day by day.

Then my husband came back into my life my senior year of high school. It gave me an extra oomf to live. A reason to look nice and do nice things. He gave me a reason in that time of my life.

After awhile we weren’t enough for each other. We almost didn’t make it. He was going to allow things to crumble and I was going to allow him to leave. You can’t keep someone/something if it doesn’t want to be kept.

But then we tried with each other again, one last time.

The VERY next day I found out I was pregnant, and our worlds became one again. So to answer the question my husband is the apple of my eye but my child is the light of my life, and I’m sure it’s the same way for him.

What/who lights up your world? Why?

Don't Let Fear Decide Your Future

Fear is as fear does. How can you move forward in life if you are always scared? Yeah you may be scared to proceed with something that you want to do but if you don’t try you’ve failed before you started.

There will always be fails after trying. It’s only natural. You have to fail a couple times to succeed in whatever you want to do.

But if you let your fear of failure stop you in your tracks, you will stay stagnant in your life and won’t know the luxury of moving forward and bettering yourself.

Please don’t let your fears halt your future from being great like it should be.

If You Woke Up With No fear, What Would You Do First?

I would start a Youtube Channel or start a non waste soap/bathbomb/candle business…What about you?

If I were to wake up tomorrow with absolutely no fears whatsoever I would start up my YouTube channel. The crazy part is that I already have a channel set up and ready to go but I’ve second guessed myself and now I don’t know what I want to do for videos.

The plan that I had was set up videos and do postpartum workout videos…But then I had my baby and I got self conscious and I was always tired. You know…The basic excuses.

OR…I would start up a non waste environmentally friendly soap, bath bomb business, and candle business. I actually had set money aside to do so but I found out I was pregnant and I had to move into my husbands mothers house to help her financially as well as spend time with his grandmother before she had passed away, she passed away in August 2019…7 months after we moved in.

If you didn’t already know preparing for a baby, moving, and still having bills cost a lot of money. So there went all my savings for my business.

So If I woke up and had no fears, the very first things I would do is start my YouTube and my business. PERIOD. POINT. BLANK

What would you do if you woke up with no fear? Why?

What do you think I should do? Any advice?